Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
