chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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