I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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