i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
