$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
