If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
