he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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