I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
