the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
