Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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