I'm lost and stupid without you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
