glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
