i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
