tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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