i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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