we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
