i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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