the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got inside last night via doggy door
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
