so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
