I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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