I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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