He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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