Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
