I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
