I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
