Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
