so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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