dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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