you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
