Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
