His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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