My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
