you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
