When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
be right there i have to get my cape
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
