Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
