Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
