Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
