Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
