My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have tasted many bathrooms
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
