i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
