I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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