So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
