He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
