He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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