The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
tell me about the fingering
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