Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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