my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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