Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
