im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
