My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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