well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
