franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
